The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Now most people I don't know how much I love the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Recently me and my brother have been discussing our favourite quotes so I thought I would include them in a post.

"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."
[Ford Prefect:] "Why, what did she tell you?"
[Arthur:] "I don't know, I didn't listen."

"Space," it says, "is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindboggingly big it is. I mean you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space.

Ford: "It's unpleasantly like being drunk."
Arthur: "What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"
Ford: "You ask a glass of water."

So long, and thanks for all the fish. Final message from the Dolphins, as they escape just prior to Earth's destruction.

"Ford," he said, "you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."

On being left in a parking lot for 500 million years: "The first ten million years were the worst. And the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million years I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went into sort of a decline"

"If I ever meet myself," said Zaphod, "I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me."

Ford, there is an infinite number of monkeys outside, who wants to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they have worked out.

Ford stood up. "We're safe," he said.
"Oh good," said Arthur.
"We're in a small galley cabin," said Ford, "in one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet."
"Ah," said Arthur, "this is obviously some strange usage of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of."

"It is most gratifying," it said, "that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated, and so we would like to assure you that the guided missiles currently converging with your ship are part of a special service we extend to all of our most enthusiastic clients, and the fully armed nuclear warheads are of course merely a courtesy detail. We look forward to your custom in future lives ... thank you."

I'm trying to have a good time, I'm trying to leave

"Oh, that was easy", says Man, and for an encore he goes on to prove that black is white and gets killed on the next zebra crossing.

'Hey you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's one frood who really knows where his towel is.'

ROOSTA:
Here Zaphod. Suck this.

ZAPHOD:
You want me to suck your towel?

ROOSTA:
The yellow stripes are high in protein, the green ones have vitamin B and C complexes, and the little pink flowers contain wheat germ extract.

ZAPHOD:
What are the brown stains?

ROOSTA:
Barbeque sauce.

If you like this type of logical and really clever comedy read/listen to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy but preferebly listen as that is how it was meant to be done in the first place. 

Lehcar xx